Epitaph

I KNEW I WAS DOOMED TO DIE ON JULY 8, 1968 EVER SINCE THE DAY OF THE A CHRISTMAS CAROL PAGEANT. I WAS THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS FUTURE AND WHILE ON STAGE I SAW, ON THE PROP GRAVE STONES, MY NAME AND DATE OF DEATH. I HAVE BEEN THINKING OF MY DEATH EVER SINCE. ALTHOUGH I WAS TERRIFIED THE DAY I DISCOVERED THE DATE, I HAVE RECONCILED WITH IT. I KNOW THAT I AM GOD’S INSTRUMENT, AND WHEN HE IS DONE WITH ME, SO BE IT.

I KNEW NOT HOW I WAS TO DIE UNTIL I DREAMED IT. GOD SENT ME A DREAM OF THE MOMENTS OF MY DEATH. I DIED SAVING VIETNAMESE CHILDREN, IN THE ARMS OF A NUN. I FOUND THE IDEA OF DYING IN THE ARMS OF A NUN, THOSE CATHOLIC PENGUINS, REPULSIVE, BUT I KNOW GOD MUST HAVE SOME MEANING BEHIND IT. THANKFULLY, I DISCOVERED THAT I WAS PUT ON THIS EARTH TO SAVE THOSE VIETNAMESE CHILDREN FROM DEATH. SINCE I HAVE THE LUXURY TO KNOW WHEN MY DEATH IS, AND PREPARE, I HAVE DECIDED TO WRITE MY OWN EPITAPH:

Here Lies OWEN MEANY,

of virgin birth.

He was small in stature,

strange in voice,

but enormous in mind and heart.

He was a devoted servant of God,

a true believer and follower of Christianity.

He was put on this Earth

for a special purpose

by the Lord himself.

He died fulfilling his purpose,

saving innocent children.

As he has completed the job God intended him to do,

may he forever rest in peace.